The introduction to a short story, Crates in the Attic? I'm writing a short story with a friend of mine and I'm looking for critiques on my introduction. Haha, so what do you think? G, before you start reading this, I'm just putting it out there that I'm taking a completely different approach to this. You might love it, you might hate it, but it doesn't matter to me. I just wrote it while I was feeling sick yesterday because it was a good way to get my mind off of how bad I felt. Haha, if you want to work more with your introduction, then we can take a second look at it. Crates in the Attic “How about Thursday at 4:30?” says the voice on the other end of the phone call. I turn to the next page of my calendar, “June,” the bolded print reads. I search the month for the Thursday in question, Thursday, June 3. Just below the date, a red sharpie marker left its mark: appointment with Dr. Meck, 3:15. “Uh, no, that’s not going to work; I’ve got an appointment that day with Dr. Meck. When you have an appointment to see Meck,” I laugh, “you waste a good handful of hours in the waiting room.” I scan the bolded 24pt Times New Roman font for another available day— hopefully, something in the distant future. “Jim, can you pencil me in on the 18th?” Jim, his voice raspy from years of cigarette use, clears his dry throat. He coughs then tries again— still too dry for words. The sound of a few gulps of water comforts me, as I wait for Jim to regain his voice. “Sorry,” he says, while he musters up the right words, “but you know I don’t plan that far in advance. I’ll be away on business next week, so can you do this Friday?” Again, I glance on the calendar on my lap, “Friday sounds good. What time can I expect you over there?” “What time’s good for you?” “Well,” I reply, “if you meet me at 243 Meadowbrook Court at 10 or 10:30, we can have the appraisal done in time for lunch. We could always stop by that diner that Melissa owns; it’s only a few minutes from the house. You remember Melissa from high school, right?” There was a pause in the conversation, perhaps a blast to the past for Jim. “Melissa Radcliffe, from Mr. O’Connor’s chemistry class?” “Yeah, that’s the one. She’s got her own diner now. I’ve been meaning to pay her a visit since the place opened three months ago.” “Oh, how time flies,” Jim replies, letting his words roam in the air. “So, I’ll see you Friday and we’ll figure out a price for your grandfather’s house. Promise me you’ll clean up.” The gravity of the situation strikes me: I have just three days to make grandpa’s home— a collection of every item he saw during his ninety-two years —a somewhat “presentable” house. Hesitantly, I answer, “You have my word.” “All right, see you Friday, Charlie,” Jim says before his telephone meets the receiver once more. Charlie—I haven’t been called that in a while. The thought of being called Charlie again brings an air of discomfort, but oddly enough, it’s a good discomfort this time. It brings me back to the days where everyone called me Charles, but grandpa insisted on calling me Charlie. It brings me back to the days where grandpa’s stories painted my imagination when my eyes couldn’t. But most importantly, it brings me back to the days where grandpa and I searched through dozens of crates in his attic— always looking for something, but I never knew what. Ding! Ding! Ding! The sounding of the alarm startles me out of my dreary state and sends me into the photo developing room. “We’ll have your photos done in an hour,” reads the sign on the door. It is our promise to the customers, but if I don’t quickly place the dry photos in the envelope and into the basket of completed photos, it will just be empty words. Without skipping a beat, I grab the photos one by one and shuffle them in my hands. I love the glossy feel from the photos, but what I love more are the photos themselves. Each photo is different, unique, special. Although it is against store policy, I take the photos under the dim light and just look at them. I like the stories they show and the feelings they describe. I like everything about them, except I wish they weren’t so unclear. With this stack of photos, I have to pull my thick-rimmed glasses closer than ever— an anything but subtle sign that my vision is worsening. I see a photo of a baby’s first birthday, but it’s too blurry to tell the gender. I see a photo from a young girl’s senior prom, but it’s too blurry to see the intricate designs on her dress. I see a photo of a child’s mud pie, but for my sake, it’s too blurry to see its true contents. After flipping through the stack of photos, I peak at the extra large hands on my wristwatch. It’s 5:57; my shift is almost over. With only a few minutes of my shift remaining, I take an envelope from the bin and place the photos inside. I snatch a piece of tape and seal the envelope up before placing it into the proper basket. By now, it’s 5:59, but I head out the door; no one will use o Bleh, Yahoo always cuts off the end. Oh well, at least it was only a few words this time. Yeah, I know, it is kind of boring, though. Actually, it’s a really boring start, but it’s a “safe” start. You know, there’s not much negative— or positive, for that matter —you can say about it because it’s just really average. As a writer, I didn’t take any risks and I didn’t paint any pictures; I just put some words on paper. Anyway, I like the idea that you suggested. I don’t know if you want to write a rough draft, but if you give me a few days, I can write a rough draft. Or, we could both write a rough draft from that idea and then combine later. Either works for me, but let’s aim for interesting. Haha, actually, scratch that. Allow me to aim for interesting and you aim for what you’ve been doing the whole time. :) By the way, I’m feeling much better. I think it was something heat-related because it’s been like 100+ for the last few days. Hopefully, it’ll get a little cooler, but not too cool; I love the hot weather of summer.